I can feel my anxiety coming back and I’m really fucking terrified about going back to school. I know I WANT to go back, but I’m so scared things don’t change. Last year sucked ass. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t do backstage drama because I felt like a useless piece of shit, I hardly took part in anything, I got so stressed that I constantly made myself sick… and I don’t want any of that to happen again.
I want to set up a Amnesty group for my school, I want to take part in drama more than I ever have (but I feel like my drama teacher doesn’t trust me now and isn’t going to give me a second chance, even though I want to somehow prove that I can change), I want to learn French (but the French teacher has been a bitch to my family because of my brother’s Japanese lessons and she might just take it out on me. Doesn’t help to have my mum telling me this.), I want to take part in the dance group, I want to get really athletic (which is impossible if you get sick every second week) and get a really good IB so I can go where I want. I don’t want to screw this all up and repeat last year. And I’m so scared my exam results aren’t good enough. You have no idea how much I am panicking over this.
Why the fuck do I have to be the one with this stupid thing?! I want to kill it. I want it to stop controlling my life. I want it to stop making me a self-obsessed bitch.
So I’m trying to research and educate myself about Amnestry International, human rights and cases around the world by gathering articles and making up a folder. I feel so overwhelmed with how much there is to learn about, but I’m trying to organise it all so I can start planning on how to contribute.
Once I’m ready to start fundraising, I’ll plan those and possibly set up a website where contributions can be made from those who can’t make it. I’d also like to set up a website that supports amnesty, and maybe makes things more simpler for those who also want to start contributing but don’t know where to start, sort of like where I am at the moment hahaha.
I also have to revise for my last exam, although I’m thinking it wouldn’t make much difference if I don’t show up hah!
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS! I totally got my friends on FB by saying I was allowed a boob job for my birthday.
First of all, I want to “advertise” Alex Evans’ blog, because I absolutely love his new theme! I swear… everytime he has a new layout I want to steal it.
http://alexevans.net
And one of my friends recently started a blog, so check it out:
http://welcometoabetterlife.wordpress.com/
Apart from that, not too much has been happening. I’m halfway through the first week of the holidays and really need to study a hella more for the GCSE exams coming up. I haven’t revised an awful lot and really really really need to! I really want to get mostly As and Bs, because in that pathetic sort of way, I want my parents to be proud of me. I’ve been off absent a lot this year (for various reasons), which has affected my grades and they seem to be convinced that I won’t even pass my GCSEs. Maybe that’s their trick of getting me to pay attention, but to be honest its just making me depressed as fuck and not helping a damn bit. I feel like everything is building up into this giant ball of anger in me and one day I’m not going to stop screaming. Man, I’m so full of hate/anger just now. Or rather the past three months. Which leads me to being completely unsocial, isolated, catching every fucking cold that’s going around and having the worst migraines every week. Peachy.
On a lighter note, I LOVE this guy. This is his newest video, but some of the others are even funnier so check them out. Especially the one where he’s in Texas, the caller one and some of the other newest. He’s so funny! And totally gorgeous.
Well I got a rejection letter from the UWC. I’m officially a failure. Not really, I just like to complain since I’m so annoyed about not getting in. Now I have to think about where I’m going to go next year.
Did I blog about my drama exam? I can’t remember and I’m too lazy to check, so if I did I’m just going to repeat myself. I got a merit for my Trinity Guildhall Grade 6 exam. 79 out of 100 and 85 was a distinction, so CLOSE! 65 was a merit. The examiner was really nice and I felt so confident during the discussion (which I got 19 out of 20 for) because the actual exam went so well.
So something good happened, followed by something bad. Damn… I guess that’s fair? What, no. It’s not fucking fair, it’s fucking annoying lol.
So I had my drama exam today! It went really well, I think. It helped that the examiner was so nice and we didn’t make any noticable mistakes. Actually…none I don’t think. I did stumble on my second last line on Wednesday night when we had to perform in front of the parents, but I don’t think I did in the exam =D That I can remember, anyway.
And we were actually so lucky, because we were given an improvisation (you get a prompt or theme twenty minutes before the exam to prepare) that was really similar to one we’d practiced with, so we just altered it and basically used the one we had practiced for three hours on the Sunday rehearsal.
Just for your information, we constitutes as my brother and I. I did it with him because I was a grade behind my friends (since I backed out of the Grade 5 exam last year) and didn’t want to do a monologue. I think I worked better with other people that acting by myself. I probably COULD have done some dramatic and sad scene, but… decided not to.
After swimming today, I’ve been so tired =( But I have noticed I’m getting slimmer! These weeks or exercising almost every day are finally paying off! Yay! Although I’m having to deal with my parents telling me if I get any skinnier, I’ll be invisible. It really pisses me off because I know I’m not skinny (and no I’m not one of those morons that is 10 year old girl skinny and denies it), I’m kind of slim but still classify as average. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I want to have the skinny androgynous sorta look. I LIKE that look. Then I can wear badass outfits and look GOOD =)
A lot of you are going to say I sound stupid, but whatthehell..
