I can feel my anxiety coming back and I’m really fucking terrified about going back to school. I know I WANT to go back, but I’m so scared things don’t change. Last year sucked ass. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t do backstage drama because I felt like a useless piece of shit, I hardly took part in anything, I got so stressed that I constantly made myself sick… and I don’t want any of that to happen again.
I want to set up a Amnesty group for my school, I want to take part in drama more than I ever have (but I feel like my drama teacher doesn’t trust me now and isn’t going to give me a second chance, even though I want to somehow prove that I can change), I want to learn French (but the French teacher has been a bitch to my family because of my brother’s Japanese lessons and she might just take it out on me. Doesn’t help to have my mum telling me this.), I want to take part in the dance group, I want to get really athletic (which is impossible if you get sick every second week) and get a really good IB so I can go where I want. I don’t want to screw this all up and repeat last year. And I’m so scared my exam results aren’t good enough. You have no idea how much I am panicking over this.
Why the fuck do I have to be the one with this stupid thing?! I want to kill it. I want it to stop controlling my life. I want it to stop making me a self-obsessed bitch.
I might make a video blog later today… well there’s not much point if I do this haha. I feel too tired and shit to do one anyhow. Perhaps on the weekend after my scene in the film.
It’s my third day of work experience at the Dundee Rep Theatre. Today we learned about the Scottish Dance Theatre, props and stage management. It was way better than Monday and Tuesday! I’m definitely considering joining the dance classes, because it sounds so incredibly cool =D Apart from that, they are really really nice and I’m getting on well with everyone (inc those also doing work experience). I haven’t spent a lot of time at the Byre in St Andrews (just Youth Theatre for a short term and two school productions), but the Rep sounds/looks so much nicer and more professional. One of the ladies there suggested joining THEIR youth theatre hahaha.
I also got my hair cut, so you may see pictures of that soon! But I have to go now…. my best friend is having a fundraiser and I need to leave NOW! AHh!
Just thought I would quickly mention that I am planning to do some vlogs now and again. Was going to do one today, but we got home later than expected and now I’m too tired – or lazy, depending how you want to look at it hahaha.
I have great news! I’m not putting it on FB or anything because too many people will see it. I’d rather keep it fairly on the downlow, but it’s too awesome to not tell ANYONE xD
I have been offered the roles Chinese Server (I was confused what this meant at first, but it literally is just a “server” in a Chinese restaurant) and the voice of the courtroom coordinator. I have to go into the studio / set on a Saturday afternoon, but have been welcomed to come for the whole day “to get a feel for the set”. I am soooo excited! It feels so unreal. I’m gonna be in a movie when I’m 15! Haha. This could really get me started. Or I’ll never do anything acting-wise again after this. We’ll see.
So I’m trying to research and educate myself about Amnestry International, human rights and cases around the world by gathering articles and making up a folder. I feel so overwhelmed with how much there is to learn about, but I’m trying to organise it all so I can start planning on how to contribute.
Once I’m ready to start fundraising, I’ll plan those and possibly set up a website where contributions can be made from those who can’t make it. I’d also like to set up a website that supports amnesty, and maybe makes things more simpler for those who also want to start contributing but don’t know where to start, sort of like where I am at the moment hahaha.
I also have to revise for my last exam, although I’m thinking it wouldn’t make much difference if I don’t show up hah!
Okay, so I wasn’t able to meet the guy whose movie I’m auditioning for, because of exam times etc. So we decided to do a video audition instead. Not sure whether I preferred that or not haha.
It seems boooooring. I don’t think I’m cut out for a news reporter. I seem more like one of those cheesy highschool news reporters on the little TVs that they have in some teen movies hahaha!
I do this annoying head moving thing and emphasise certain words in a way that really bugs me haha!
So, yeah, might as well post it. NO LAUGHING. I know it’s kinda crap = P
I have been scribbling in a notepad for WEEKS, writing lengthy diary entries and ramblings every time I was pissed off, depressed or had a brilliant idea and I finally know where I want to go with this story. This is the one I really want to tell, more than Opposites Attract, more than anything else. I just hope that wall doesn’t pop up out of nowhere again.
Please please please comment on dA or here about what you think of it so far. I know it’s not much.
Well I got a rejection letter from the UWC. I’m officially a failure. Not really, I just like to complain since I’m so annoyed about not getting in. Now I have to think about where I’m going to go next year.
Did I blog about my drama exam? I can’t remember and I’m too lazy to check, so if I did I’m just going to repeat myself. I got a merit for my Trinity Guildhall Grade 6 exam. 79 out of 100 and 85 was a distinction, so CLOSE! 65 was a merit. The examiner was really nice and I felt so confident during the discussion (which I got 19 out of 20 for) because the actual exam went so well.
So something good happened, followed by something bad. Damn… I guess that’s fair? What, no. It’s not fucking fair, it’s fucking annoying lol.
So I had my drama exam today! It went really well, I think. It helped that the examiner was so nice and we didn’t make any noticable mistakes. Actually…none I don’t think. I did stumble on my second last line on Wednesday night when we had to perform in front of the parents, but I don’t think I did in the exam =D That I can remember, anyway.
And we were actually so lucky, because we were given an improvisation (you get a prompt or theme twenty minutes before the exam to prepare) that was really similar to one we’d practiced with, so we just altered it and basically used the one we had practiced for three hours on the Sunday rehearsal.
Just for your information, we constitutes as my brother and I. I did it with him because I was a grade behind my friends (since I backed out of the Grade 5 exam last year) and didn’t want to do a monologue. I think I worked better with other people that acting by myself. I probably COULD have done some dramatic and sad scene, but… decided not to.
After swimming today, I’ve been so tired =( But I have noticed I’m getting slimmer! These weeks or exercising almost every day are finally paying off! Yay! Although I’m having to deal with my parents telling me if I get any skinnier, I’ll be invisible. It really pisses me off because I know I’m not skinny (and no I’m not one of those morons that is 10 year old girl skinny and denies it), I’m kind of slim but still classify as average. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I want to have the skinny androgynous sorta look. I LIKE that look. Then I can wear badass outfits and look GOOD =)
A lot of you are going to say I sound stupid, but whatthehell..
I keep getting spam comments coming up on my page where I have comments waiting to be accepted. It’s so irritating. How’s this: PISS OFF.
On a lighter note… this week has gone by much quicker than I expected it to. I still have my English analysis to do as well as the pictures for my art project, that I’m planning to draw with my wacom tablet. I don’t know how my art teacher is going to feel about me using two different paints on my painting, but I need to. It looks better in oil, but the irises have to be acrylic so I can use the acrylic based transfer on it. Any advice on this?
Had my drama group again tonight. It’s totally weird being the new one… it’s not like starting at a new school. It’s going into an environment where everyone already knows each other and talks about people or teachers you don’t know (well those who go to the same school) and they all know each other. Then I come in and I know I can’t expect everyone to act neutral just for me. They should carry on as usual, but it’s just weird for me. I haven’t been the only new one in a group for so long.
